Journey to wonderland

While walking down a lonely lane or the time before I go to sleep, in the morning before I’m lost in the race to be on time, while sitting on a bench surrounded by all the creatures except human beings, I dare to think of what I wish to achieve, of dreams I somehow have intuition will never be fulfilled, I let myself flow away with the thoughts that lead me to that wonderland where everything is exactly like I wish it to be.

The wonderland I dream of is not the one with all the beautiful sceneries and flowers and magical creatures or one where everybody smiles for no reasons or where nobody worries about future, where there are no responsibilities etc. etc. Instead, its quiet similar to the one I live in rather the only difference is that I have become what I had always wished to be. There I’m doing what I love doing, I’m really happy because I’m not being forced to pretend to be enjoying the work I have to do in the real world. I have survived the hassles in the way to that position. I am no more bound by the social boundaries that are meant to cease people from achieving their dreams that are not in sync with the norm.

I want to turn these hallucinations into reality and every time I find myself in that wonderland I search for the way that has led me to it. But there’s nothing I can find. Perhaps because there’s no way to reach there. And even if there is one, perhaps its not possible for me to walk over it.

I tried searching for that way in real life too, but soon realized that even if I find one, it would take really long to reach the destination and by then the glory I’m vying for would have faded. I may start over then with my early life where I left but I might then not be able to leave the little I have achieved and I would have actually nothing worth it.

I do not hate the way my life has turned up, the only thing is its not the place I wanted to see myself, it might be even better than that but again it doesn’t let me be me.